Friday, October 28, 2011

Wherein I Get Angry At Pandas

So, I wanted to take some time to digest the information about Mists before I went full tilt on it. My initial reaction was not a mature, nuanced view, which I realized didn't make for a really fair way to look at it. After taking some time to look over the information, my reaction is still almost universally negative about the whole thing, and I considered keeping it to myself because I didn't wanna be that guy bitching about a game I quit and acting like everyone is dumb for liking it. But honestly, I don't really care if other people like it or not. It's a video game. I thought Grand Theft Auto was pretty terrible, so I don't have any illusion that my viewpoint is correct and sacred here. With that in mind...

1. Fucking Pandarens.

There seems to be a lot of whining on the Internet about how talking pandas somehow makes the game kiddie territory now. Nevermind the singing sunflower, or the complete clownification of Goblins, the constant pop in-jokes, or the overall cartoonishness of the game in general. Nope, pandas are what did it. I think that's kind of ridiculous, mostly for the aforementioned reasons, but because there are a great many reasons to hate Pandarens without making up crap. I understand the race was was already part of the setting for some time, so the inevitable comparisons to Kung Fu Panda seem unfair. But look at what they did - they took the coincidental similarities, and just leaned into the curve. The folks at Blizzard really don't care about the Warcraft setting anymore as an actual property, and are willing to whore any little bit of it out as a quick joke or "clever" reference for a couple chuckles. You just cannot take the setting seriously anymore. It is not a fantasy game, it's a chatroom with attacks.

2. Talent Revamp

So when Blizzard slimmed down the talent trees for Cataclysm, players by the thousands were telling the company, "This is a bad move. With so few choices and this many points, there will be clear and obvious builds for each spec. Builds will not vary at all. It makes the points effectively irrelevant." So now, Blizzard seems to be bemoaning how specs became so cookie cutter, and they're sighing about it as if they have no idea what went wrong. Oh, how did we get to all these cookie cutter specs! How could we have ever foreseen this!

Worse than the blatant stupidity of the above is the rampant ignorance of the solution "Oh, I know, let's give everyone six choices per class." The point, apparently, is to make the choices effectively meaningless. You now are FORCED to be effectively a cookie cutter of someone of your same spec and class, with a couple of flavor abilities that don't really factor in a great deal. This... solves the problem. Somehow.

3. Another Tank/DPS/Heal hybrid.

Morons. You can't even get Paladin right after this long, so I feel extremely bad for anyone who picks "paladin but with, you know... asian shit."

4. Also, The Island

As I said before, I accept that Panderia was already in the setting. However, their "sell" of it is like we're in the fucking 70s where everyone thinks the MYSTIC EAST is a land of UNTAPPED MYSTERY and MYSTERIOUS KICKING OF SHIT and maybe some weird MYSTERY. The only thing I could think is this -

Image

Senor Chang is watching you because of this bullshit. He will destroy you.


5. It Appears They Just Don't Care

I don't really care about the pokemon pets in the way some people do. It doesn't bother me that they're adding the shit in, it's just bothersome rolled in with everything else. This is all B- or even C-Squad shit at this point. These are all obvious ploys to just keep an old game alive through some cute toys and ignoring the fact that at the end, the actual game itself is the exact same. Really, it strikes me as someone who is embarrassed and trying to do their best to sort've apologize for what's going on. "Yeah, this is still a game about collecting 20 bear asses, heh, sorry about that. But now your Pinchy can fight their Hatchling, so that helps, right?"

There's definitely a good amount of panderin (hahahahah I'm totally not the 5,00th person to make that joke) to get players to re-sub. As someone who quit out of sheer apathy for the game, it's not even like an abusive ex trying to apologize and get you to come back, baby, it'll be better this time. It's more like a manic, psycho ex that's trying to tell you she totally took some classes at cooking and can do the splits now so c'mon give it another shot. And since I like to play games for the actual game immersion as well as the company (in the context of multiplayer games), all I can think of is the next time I wipe to Lord Evilfux, people will be battling their pets for lolz while people rez. And I think, "No, I believe it's time I dated someone a little closer to my age, sorry."

No comments:

Post a Comment