Debate Time, Late Time!

So, Presidential Debate #2. In order to prep for this, I got a bottle of Bushmills, watched the two-parter 30 Rock about Valentine's Day and Ikea, and some Daily Show. I figured I was good and prepared. I wasn't too sure what to expect at this point, as Biden/Ryan was actually exactly what I thought it would be, but everyone was speculating on what Obama's "comeback" performance would be like. Trying to empty myself of expectations, I flip on the XBox Live feed and get to it.

I remember during the last election when there was a moment in a town hall meeting where a lady talked to John McCain and referred to Obama as a Muslim. There was a second in McCain's eyes where he seemed to realized just how deep the rabbit hole was at that point. McCain was never a particularly clean or perfect candidate, but you usually got the impression he was earnest in what he was saying or believed overall. While I'm looking at the debate waiting to start, I wonder if there'll ever be a moment where Romney is taken aback by the corner he's put himself in logically with his phantom tax plan and promises.

What a lot of folks don't seem to understand is that Romney is effectively a construct of what the Republicans thought Obama was in 2008 (and beyond): Someone who says anything that sounds good at the time, rails against how things are, and doesn't have any logical consistency in his pledges. It's funny to see people voting for Romney for all the reasons they thought Obama was an empty suit four years ago, I guess.

The camera pans over to the moderator, who mentions her job is to see that the questions will get answered and time is stuck to correctly. Let's see how well that holds up. With those huge shoulders, she seems somewhat more likely than Leherherheeher to actually bodycheck someone when time is called.

First question is about employment. What always kills me about this question is how little real control the President has over direct employment issues. And yet we keep batting it around like the President should be responsible for it. Romney starts by saying thanks to the moderator, Obama, the audience, Jesus, God, Mickey Rooney, Alf, and anyone else he could think of. He then digs into the question and touts his public education program in Mass, which kills me a little since he wants to minimize/destroy the Dept of Ed. Obama doesn't start by thanking everyone on the planet for being there, so I'm sure FOX or someone will notice how "rude" he is. He mentions Detroit "surging" back again, which sucks, since "surging" is not the best word ever for what actually happened. Eugh. So far, some predictable back and forth about who is going to do more damage in the next four years.

Romney gets to the follow up question about people in long-term unemployment. Naturally, he responds by bashing Obama's policies, which always kills me. What policies? Republicans have spent the last four years blocking the left from doing nearly anything. There have been very few "Obama's policies" that have any reason to be bashed. He also mentions Obama allowed GM to go bankrupt just like he said should have been done. Obama fires back by just talking about how Romney's policies favor the rich. Great, awesome. Answer the damn question, man.

Romney gets up to get a second rebuttal and is asked nicely to sit down. Actually happens. Shocking.

Next, a question about gas prices - something else the President has little control over (compared to what we think he can do). There's some talk about investing in businesses and domestic production, which is good. He mentions by shaving off demand, the gas prices go down, which makes sense. Obama is making a good case here for tying his answer into the previous question by stating domestic energy businesses will help. Romney goes into the "let's look at the President's policies" routine again, starting with a reduction of licenses, and then talks about how apparently the President doesn't walk the walk because he... uh... doesn't just hand licenses to everyone and allows people to drill and mine even if they break rules? Romney cites that Obama stated the gains in domestic energy production are up, and then asks the rhetorical question of "where did those gains in production come from" but never answers it. I dunno where he was going with that. Probably something of a logical handwave like Ryan did with the unemployment number last week. "But unemployment is at 10% in your hometown, Biden, thus unemployment is up, technically."


Romney is talking a lot about, effectively, achieving energy independence through a total or large loss of regulation. Personally, I pass on this notion, but it's at least something. He wants to hand out more licenses and allow more production, but isn't speaking to how that can be done safely.

Moderator asks a new question about gas prices, Obama says something mildly related about efficiency, and then gets back to the previous question, using this to get a second rebuttal. Like a dog with a Goddamned bone. Because of that circle-back, they're getting into it now. Romney says the President cut licenses in half, Obama denies it, Romney says "what's the new amount", and then we get into a bunch of "uh huh" "nuh uh" crap. Moderator has really lost control of what's going on here. She brings it back to gas prices, and Obama says the gas prices were low due to an impending economic collapse. I don't think I quite followed that, and I'm not sure a lot of folks will see the connection either.

Someone needs to give the Moderator the ability to cut the mic on either person. She tries to steer it back on task, and Romney throws a grown up tantrum, just stuttering and talking over her.

Oh man, now someone is asking about the tax plan Romney has. Credits, loopholes, and all that, and how it will actually all add up. Romney starts with some stats on budgeting and spending which is... I dunno. Not relevant? So he starts talking about tax credits and capping a total amount of deductions, and gives a "I'll pick a random number" example which is a horrible idea. We're trying to determine the specifics, here, guy. Buddy. Pal. He keeps saying that the middle class is being "buried", but not exactly how in regards to taxes. Obama gives some usual pandering to the middle class, and then goes to the $250k tax increase plan. He mentions a realistic view that crap just has to be paid for, and taxes have to be paid. He hits Romney on his record plus what he's said previously about taxes - cuts for the higher end. At this point, it's just a simple yes/no battle: Will Romney stick with what he's (vaguely) saying he'll do, or do what he's done and his Party is more prone to doing?

As a side note for Romney: Giving capital gains tax deductions to people who make under 250k is not substantial at all.

Obama goes back to the Big Bird thing. Let it die, man. Please let it die. It's a crappy, oversimplified meme, and it's nowhere near as clever or funny as people want to think.

Moderator: "If the taxes don't add up, will you..."
Romney: "Well of course it will add up. Now let me talk about the deficit and how Obama is to blame for all of it."

While she's having an ok time keeping people on the clock, this is a pretty good way to not get people to answer their questions. Romney gets back to trying to overtalk the moderator and is looking more desperate and spun than aggressive.

We now get a question about pay equality, which is interesting. Pay equality is an actual legal issue and societal one, and it's one that people just take on as a fact of life. Obama goes on about how women have had an impact on his life, mentions the Lily Ledbetter Act as an example of advocacy. I'm curious, really, to hear Romney's answer on this because the GOP has been really women unfriendly these past few years. In the middle of his answer, Obama mentions he "cut out the middlemen" in student lending, and Romney perks up a bit. I imagine he's going to have that comment shoved in his face about jobs.

Romney answers the question about how he had to go out of his way to hire women. He mentions child concerns as if that's the unique purview of women. He's just trying to sound concerned about women, but won't say what he's going to do other than "make it better than the last 4 years." Romney, do you understand what pay and employment inequality actually is? I don't think you do. Obama comes back with just the generally bad record the GOP and Romney have with women.

So this next person gets up and brings up the specter of Bush. She asks the question in a great manner - "I'm worried about Republican policy, like Bush's," rather than just dumping things on Bush. Romney comes out with a rebuttal out of turn once again, looking a little desperate and thrown still. He reverses his stance on birth control yet again, which is not a shocker. Romney, to my huge surprise, freely says Bush was wrong and outright says the GOP is too focused on big business. Just says it outright. If this was coming from anyone who wasn't Romney, it'd be heartening. From this guy, it just sounds like another in a long line of things he's saying that people want to hear.

This question is practically a gimmie for Obama to slam and slam and slam both Bush and Romney. He has a lot of good shots in here.

Next question - "Obama, what have you done for me lately?", effectively. Obama goes over a few things he's managed to help the economy and industry, but largely avoids the question. He states most of the commitments he's made, he's kept... but the ones he hasn't isn't lack of trying. I don't know if I can agree on that. Romney just comes up and says, "I think you know better." This is a reverse of the previous question - a gimmie for Romney to knock around Obama for a bit. Romney uses the time well to showcase the shortcomings of the administration, of which there are many.

Romney uses "we have his record to look at" during this time, which is a poor plan. You don't want us to look at records vs what we say, buddy. Chief. Guy.

Immigration question: Romney opens with "Did I get that right?" about her name. This is going WELL RIGHT OFF. And now he's comparing his white born-in-Mexico father and Welsh mother to the immigrants from Mexico who are Latino. What a fumble. What. A. Fumble. Brings up a good point about Obama's lame record on immigration vs his promises. Obama goes in to some detail about what he's done, including stepping up border patrols, which is not the greatest. He mentions that if you're going to deport folks, you want to target criminals first.

Moderator asks a new question, Romney flatly says, "No, let's talk about..." and then goes back to previous points. The problem is that Obama keeps remembering what Romney actually said. You say that the villified Arizona model of immigration reform is "THE model", and then want to back off that, but you can't. People remember. Romney is not enjoying that. He keeps trying to take control of the debate and is really upset he doesn't get to do whatever he wants on his timeline.

The next question is about Libya and scaling down security in the embassy. Most of this is a re-hashing of the same back and forth about how Obama is a bad leader and Obama claiming he is clamping down and controlling this stuff. No one really answers the question. Obama makes an interesting stand, taking the responsibility for what's going on, pushing off a claim that Sec Clinton should have to deal with it. Romney tries to put Obama's words out of order, the Moderator puts it back in the actual chain of events, to some applause. Romney then just repeats the attack with more vague terms so he can keep it.

Question about assault weapons, per a 2008 promise to keep them out of the hands of criminals. The President shares some touching story but nothing useful and some comments about what he MIGHT and WILL do. Talks some about making people just better, which is a nice rainbows and roses strategy. Interestingly, he does mention that handguns are the real problem in regards to guns and deaths. Romney rebuts saying he's not about adding more gun control (though he has actually done more for gun control than Obama has), and then goes into some faff about schools and parents. Moderator calls Romney out on the fact he put down an assault gun ban, and Romney says that it was agreed upon by both the gun control folks and the gun freedom folks. Romney then states that it was a great example of bipartisanship! Obama starts laughing.

Obama points out Romney changed his mind on guns to get the NRA on board.

Question comes up about overseas trade imbalance, and Romney somehow gets on "trickle down government" and how it doesn't work. What? Why are we here? This is about as bad as how the gun question somehow became a referendum on schools. There's just a bunch of general statements about taxes and tax code. Obama brings up a good point about tax-free gains overseas.

Question from the mod about getting labor jobs back here, Romney says that China just steals things from us and that's going to have to stop. Like, "they're hacking" and whatever. And he was going to label them "currency manipulators". Obama states flatly some of those jobs are gone and we need to aim for higher, better jobs. What on earth, you two.

Personal question now about dispelling misconceptions about themselves. Romney tries to say he loves ALL of America! And then goes on to talk a bit about himself and God and the Olympics and the stuff he's done with his record. Funny to watch him go on about his health care plan and public education. What party is he with, again? Obama goes for the misconception that he supposedly thinks government creates jobs, and that people think he wants to take from some and give to everyone else. Then he hammers away at the 47% comment some.

All in all, I'm saying Obama did better on this one, but it wasn't a beating one way or another. The damage done to Romney was done to himself most of the time. Obama spent way, WAY too much time going on about how Romney is bad and scary and won't do anything good. Listen, man - the reason why people were so lab monkey apecrap for you four years ago is because you had a series of ideas. Sure, they were oversold, but at least you had a direction. This run of the mill brand of "my opponent sucks, America. Vote for not my opponent," is sad. Sad.

The Hammer is... apparently public domain.

Our waitress at Weber Grill. She was seriously that excited.

So this past weekend was GenCon, and I decided that I would engage in a tradition that I had avoided for well over a decade of con-going: Costumes. I had put together a pretty decent Captain Hammer outfit this past Halloween and thought that it might be neat to dress up on Saturday for the con just to say I had done it once. I'm glad I brought it because I saw several people try it and fail miserably, so I felt I was also doing some justice to the whole character*. Overall, it was a positive experience, but it was a pretty enlightening one, as well.

I should start this off by saying my attitude towards anyone who dresses up in costume at a con is that you are in fact doing it for some level of attention. That attention may not be on a personal level ("Look at me!" vs. "Look at how much work I put into this fantastic outfit!"), but you are putting something on display and need to accept some of that one way or the other. Not that it is ALL okay, of course, but the looks and everything are just going to be par for the course. So with that in mind, as someone who has never done anything really on par with this, I have to say I found the sudden constant stares a bit unnerving. I think anyone who does this their first time and either doesn't adjust to it (I did, eventually) probably shouldn't repeat the experience. Anyone who keeps doing this and complains about people staring or asking for photos, though, is being a bit obtuse.

I got to the hall a little past 10:00am and walked in. I think I settled into the pose without thinking about it, since the heavy black gloves just make you want to curl your hands into fists. Right off the bat, I had people walking by and putting their hands up for a high-five. People would turn and watch me walk, stopping what they were doing, or just stare as we passed. They would stare openly, which would be creepy if I were in street clothes, but I accepted this might happen. People began singing various songs from the production at me, which was kind of neat, and a few folks stopped and politely asked me to take a photo with them in various pose requests.

So here's where it began to take a bit of a dark turn.

Like I said before, I understand that on some level, you become a bit of community property in this situation. As someone who is a familiar face for a small gaming company at this con and at their regional tournaments, I'm used to this some. But it was that taken to the nth degree for certain. 90% of the folks were nice, cheerful, enthusiastic, but respectful. They'd say "Oh, hey, can you stop so I can take a photo," or "Can I take a photo with you," or "Hey grab that guy in the white coat and goggles and smile real big while you punch him repeatedly!" That last one did not actually happen, but I was constantly hoping it would. I'd set my bag down, do as I had been asked, shake hands or exchange some comments about the show or costume and be on my way.

The other 10%, though... well, they stuck out a lot more. On several occasions, people would literally shout and/or order me to stand still so they could get a shot. They weren't doing it in a loud, "I need to get your attention over the crush of people here," way. They were doing it in a "WHY ARE YOU MOVING JESUS CHRIST STAND STILL HOW DARE YOU BE WALKING" way. I'll be honest, I tried to be good-natured about it (and again, if I went off on someone here, I didn't know how that would play out for my second job), but the first couple of times I complied out of sheer confusion and feeling a bit stunned. Some among this group of jerks would even pat me on the chest like I was working for them and give me a "great, buddy" in a condescending way before they wandered off.

And then we had three super weird instances that made me stop and think about how difficult women in costume have it. Keep in mind, the Captain Hammer outfit is almost completely body-covering. Some of your forearm and elbow is really all that sticks out. The pants are bulky combat style things. I guess the shirt is a little form-fitting, but that's about it. There's nothing even mildly sexual about this outfit, and yet:

- One young woman asked to take a photo with me, and her friend took out her camera. As soon as I agreed, she ran over, wrapped a hand around my waist, and sort've... I dunno. She turned towards me and kinda did a weird press-and-slide sort of move. I am not a crazy person for thinking that the bits of her she decides to rub on me made this really forward. After the shot was done, she gave my backside a firm squeeze, and ran off with her friend.

- A guy about my age (30-ish) asked for a photo in the same way, his friend taking it. He slung his arm around my shoulder immediately, did a thumbs up with his free hand, and the shot was taken. Once that was done, he let his hand drop down, gave my bits a friendly pat with a smirk, and wandered off not even having the good grace to giggle off embarassedly like the girl had.

- In the dealer hall, a couple of folks behind a booth asked for photos, which I was happy to do (trying to avoid the traffic of people in the booth lanes). After that, one of the women asked me if I had ever considered doing a Malcolm Reynolds costume because, "you have the hair for it." She said this leaning forward and whispering it in a weird porn-sexy sort of way. I laughed, thinking this was some sort of joke, but she was seriously just coming on to me like something out of a tape you don't leave marked.

These were interspersed through the day along the really positive experiences** (our waitress at Weber flipped out over the costume, it was hilarious), but those three really stood out and - even with a few days passing - seem to just sour me to doing it ever again. It really made me think of what some girl in an Aerith costume or something relatively neutral like that has to deal with. I don't think I'm specially enlightened or more perfectly understand the problems women gamers have to cope with, but I thought I might want to share that. I know a lot of folks really understand that there's an acceptable line, even for the folks we dismiss as attention whores - no one (sane) is saying this sort of behavior is ok. I was just a little surprised by how easily and flippantly that line gets crossed.



(**I didn't consider that the company meeting was that same day, and I have yet to know if showing up to it like that raised or lowered my capital)

(*sidenote to this, there was a woman dressed up as Captain Hammer, and the question was asked "So... so... what IS the hammer, now?" I don't think she got it, she looked real confused)

Northern Downpour

Yesterday, I got to give a mod nudge to someone on a board I run about the use of the word "rape" in the context of winning a game. It was a pretty easy nudge, even though I know no one likes being moderated pretty much ever. I didn't hand out any warnings or bans, just a reminder that the board had a mixed, multi-age user pool and rape wasn't a neutral word for everyone, so we should avoid using it needlessly. The response was predictable. Someone went so far as to say that because certain women are so sensitive and easily scarred by the use of a simple word, their meek and helpless behavior invites rapists to target them. And of course, let's not forget, rape culture is an invented problem. The juxtaposition of those two arguments together literally made me laugh. It was just too absurd.

Later the same day, a friend of mine posted Gamasutra's article on the Male Gaze to her Facebox. I'll be upfront here - terms like "rape culture" and "male gaze" trigger an eyeroll reflex in me. Not because I don't think they're real things, they just have the sound of terms people use when they're being self-righteous crusaders (I have similar issues with "misandry" and "heteronormative"). So when other people want to be completely dismissive of the ideas wholesale, I sympathize a bit and try to explain the whole concept in words that don't necessarily evoke imaginary ideas of jackbooted feminists in overdefensive folks.

Yesterday, that went terribly wrong. A friend of the original poster began with the usual "well men are objectified too!" schtick, which is something else I think holds a little merit. But, unfortunately, people tend to use this argument as a way to prove objectification of women either isn't that bad, or isn't a problem. I argue with this fine gentleman that while objectification of men certainly does happen, it's not nearly on the scope or as damaging as what happens to women so pervasively. This is when the real stunner came - he started making arguments that he didn't see how people could connect the portrayal of women in the media (I kept trying to keep the argument to the context of gaming, since that's what the article was about, but he was pretty firm in ignoring that) to anything sexist or misogynist. He then started demanding I prove that such a phenomenon happens. He was, in essence, trying to make me prove sexism at all was a real thing with real contributing factors.

I knew exactly where this was going, but tried anyway. Naturally, everything I mentioned or pointed to was dismissed as opinion or speculation. I mean, of course we can't view with 100% accuracy into the minds of people and determine their motivations for sure, but I think after enough patterns of behavior, we can be confident. What the man effectively was asking me was on par with saying "Well you can't prove racism is real behavior." I mean, I was just not prepared to have to prove the sun rises and sets, either. Every study was "opinion" and every instance of a person being blatantly sexist was anecdotal or anomalous.

He went on to say that little boys and basement dwelling nerds engage in such behavior, but that just magically evaporates when said men and boys are exposed to the real world. This was, of course, after some lengthy assertions that he knew exactly what women wanted, what turns them on, and what appeals to them (after furiously attacking me for assumptions of motivation). It struck me from how this guy talked that he himself was probably never really rude or condescending towards women. I bet that his friends really aren't, even. But since he doesn't surround himself with horrible people, the idea that women are treated in this way is so outside his monkeysphere that it simply rings false or at least wildly exaggerated to him.

So, I guess that's just something I wanted to share for everyone's data point about this sort of behavior. We have people so fundamentally self-deluded through multiple angles that they can go so far as to state sexism isn't a thing. It's mind blowing, really, and I think until yesterday I really couldn't fathom how it might happen.

Not Quite Walkabout

So on June 1st, at about 6am, Nikki, Kim, and I piled into Kim's car and drove from Austin to KC. We were going for a great multitude of reasons, not the least of which being Jacobe's wedding and to hopefully see some family and friends. But also, it was important we remind ourselves of just how much nothing is on that long expanse in the middle of the country. It is in fact a great deal of nothing, with construction, truck stops, and porn shops. But mostly nothing.

<a href="http://s1075.photobucket.com/albums/w440/sethpmason/?action=view&amp;current=2012-06-02_16-38-30_860.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w440/sethpmason/2012-06-02_16-38-30_860.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

The trip itself wasn't too bad, as we got in about five or so at Lawrence. I've never actually stayed in Lawrence with the exception of a few overnight trips that got me there under cover of night and ended in harsh, let's-forget-about-this daylight as I rocketed out of the town. So I didn't know Lawrence was more than just the KU campus and a few streets around some apartment complexes. Color me shocked. I was, unfortunately, exhausted. Having barely slept the previous few nights and clocked about 4 hours prior to the trip, I made it through the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and getting back to the room. It was cool to sit with Jake and bullshit for a bit about work and all that jazz. I was worried it'd be awkward or forced since we hadn't really seen each other much since I moved, but it was fine. I've always been the sort of person who can remain friends (or consider myself one) with folks I don't speak with or see often anymore, but that hasn't always been a two way street. Which is understandable.

Kim wanted to head into KC to meet with some folks, but I was seriously just too wiped to go. Nikki was gung-ho to do something, and I felt bad leaving her to her own devices... but I could barely complete the task of tying my shoes at this point.

When I got up Saturday, it was about 6am, so I went upstairs to get some writing done. We were being put up at a nice bed and breakfast right next to the campus, so after a little while, the staff came in to start the second B of B&B. I talked with the manager for a bit about our trip and the history of the house and business. She served some delicious mofukkin muffins that she said were just out of the box but neither Kim nor I believed that crap. We are on to you, muffin woman, and  your invented bullshit stories.

I was meeting Mom, Alex, Matt, and Marlena in town for breakfast, which was pretty much my only window of opportunity to see the family on this trip. Dad and Sandy couldn't make it, neither could sis, and I only really told Mom and Dad I was coming so Ian was not aware. He would express his extreme displeasure at this after I got back.

Having gotten my fill of second breakfast, eggs, and subtle racism, we meandered the streets a bit and saw there was a nice farmer's market, a street fair because the Queen of England had reached Level 60 or something, and some ok street shops. We killed about an hour before it was time to head back and get changed for the big to do.

I don't have much to say about the wedding itself. It was decidedly short for a Catholic service, but everything went smoothly. I wasn't aware Jacobe's fiance (Brynn) was the daughter of a two star general. If you would ever like to feel well and truly judged, have a uniformed general inspect you as a groomsman at his daughter's wedding. I don't recommend it, though.

Brynn is not a total unknown to me, but I got to deal with her some before we had to depart. At the reception dinner, she and I trounced Kim and Jake at spades, and her speech and dance at the dinner made it pretty clear Jake had chosen... wisely. The dinner was pretty solid, and we waited for it sitting outside in the blessedly mild summer evening weather, sipping bourbon cocktails. I wondered idly why I didn't spend more time on my OWN porch sipping booze and reading or just reflecting on life... and then I remembered I live in fucking Texas. Where I do love the heat, but it doesn't lend itself well to sitting out and marinating.

From the reception to the B&B, I was already feeling a little tired. Kim picked up chocolate covered espresso beans for me to keep me going, as I offered to drive so they could drink at the inevitable Kotei party she and Nikki wanted to hit. We ended up staying out till about 3am at Adam Carey's, where I was literally falling asleep on the couch (getting dog hair on my suit) and also literally had to drag Nikki out by her ear at the end of the night.

The trip back was... not great. We were all pretty tired, and it was a bit annoying to go from the mild midwest heat to the "oh you just opened an oven on yourself" blast furnace of south Oklahoma on our first stop. It wasn't really that bad, but since we were all pretty well wiped and fried, it was horrid.

So anyway, after that I've had a week off. This coming week is the Austin Kotei. Next weekend after that we drive to Saint Louis. Because I hate myself, apparently.

Weekend at Shiro Shitshow

So this weekend, Kim, Nikki, and myself packed up the Jeep and headed to Fort Worth to stay with some L5R folks and play in the Kotei there. I hadn't really played seriously since GenCon, but this year I was resolved to hit a few Kotei and get in fighting shape beforehand. The plan was originally Ft. Worth, Kansas City, and the Austin tournaments, but KC has been pre-empted by Jake's wedding that exact same day. So this ended up being one of the two Kotei I'd be able to attend, maybe the two only tournaments I'd get to play in.

I've spent months getting Nikki, Stephen, Kim, Monica, Brian, and Scott all ready to play this season, but most of them couldn't come for one reason or another. I tried to get a Kalani's Landing deck together (Mantis Mags is something I've wanted to play since EE was fleshed out), but there's just such a stack of rares I'm missing and I didn't really give myself enough time to slap them together. I tried to force together a Torch enlightenment deck, but the same issue got in the way. I thought I had some cards I didn't and suddenly it was two days before time to go.

So I picked up a Koshin Keep deck I slapped together. I was pretty hopeful, because I think people overall underestimate Koshin, but I didn't realize the deck was full of substitutions because I had lent out many cards to folks I thought would be coming. Hurr hurr. Nikki had barely played, so we were trying to finish out a quick Crane deck for her. Kim was really the only person rolling with a tested, tournament ready deck. Thankfully, Jacobson was good enough to lend Nikki his deck once we arrived in Arlington to stay with Leann and her crew.

Leann's house is now officially Shiro Shitshow in my head. The place is huge - I think there was something like fifteen of us staying there. We got in a little late Friday, just as the crew was getting ready to head out for dinner. I got to grab some steaks with some of the San Antonio folks and THE BRISCOE, who I hadn't seen since GenCon last year. Was good times all around, but when we headed back to the house, the real horrors began. These are gaming folk, and true to form, in crowds away from prying eyes, they got hammered and did retarded shit. I think in the two nights I stayed there, I saw more games of gay chicken than I care to count. Kim brought a stack of brownies and goodies she slaved over making but unfortunate got lost in the shuffle. I think people may have been concerned they were for someone else, because these folks were not exactly health nuts.

Saturday was the tournament, and I got hit pretty hard. I was tired, the sun got in my eyes, I slept on my hand, etc etc etc. The short of it was I didn't test enough and I haven't been really playing enough to do well in a Kotei, and it showed. I made some pretty dumb mistakes but also ran into my fair share of "oh look you drew certain cards, you win!" moments. In short, I  went 2-5. Strength of the Tsunami is dumb.


Saturday night was probably the best part of the weekend, though I did enjoy the tourney. Heading back a little early, cleaning up, heading out for some of the best duck ever for Nikki's birthday, and then coming back to sit for a bit and drink whiskey while bullshitting with Her Nikkiness was a nice mellow counterpoint to what was to follow. We stayed up till 2 or 3, drinking, watching the OKC/LA game, and talking with folks I had never met, or had met and never really got to know.


Notes: 

• Strength of the Tsunami is dumb.

• My deck can handle a few token followers. It apparently cannot handle "Grateful, topdeck a Nakanu, play another Grateful, topdeck a Nakanu."

• Merholtz is the Angel of Death.

• Leann's house might need to be named Shiro Shitshow. And that woman has the patience of a saint.

• Discussing feminism at 4am after drinking for six solid hours is not the best plan.

• No one wins gay chicken.

• I give better advice and make better decks than what I do and play.
 

• When your free packs give you a playset of the most worthless rare in a set, God is telling you to pack it the f up.
 

• If you would please say out loud that you have 2 x Strength of the Tsunami, 2 x Near Miss, and 1 x Skipping in your first seven cards, it will save us both some time and trouble.
 

• People apparently still get surprised by Sniping even out of Koshin Keep. I do not understand it.

• I was told by the same person I sleep like a vampire and look like David Tenant. 

So, it's time to buckle down and work pretty hard this month before Austin. I'm not too sure if I'm going to play Mantis (KL) or Unicorn (Tacs) or possibly even Spider (Commanders), but I know I'm gonna put a little more damn effort in.

A Quick Lap Around The Block

 

 

I decided to throw myself headlong into SXSW this year. It's something that I've avoided previously mostly because it was just such an immense undertaking to really "do" correctly, I thought. I spend about seven or eight months in advance of GenCon getting everything handled and lined up to carry that off in August each year. With SXSW, it was just constantly something that seemed to sneak up on me and get fully into the way of my awareness only a month before. By that time, it just seemed too close to prepare for correctly. So I didn't bother. And I would tell myself it was just for hipster jackasses who want to go someplace and pose so that they can later talk about how they went and very blatantly hope everyone took that to mean they were enviable.

But I went, because I love free shows, I love seeing new bands, and I really think that I've spent a few years just turning my nose up at too many things. So I got some info from Brenna and Katie about some week-long lounge type parties that we would need to register for, stand in line for access badges, then stand in line to enter at any given point over the week. I sweated, standing in line (alone, then eventually with Kim, Brian, and Woodrow) to get these damn badges and never use them. Not once did I visit the Fairly Land Hooch House Presented By Kicktoes Super Funk Sneakers and Animal Cyclefuck Music... or whatever they were called. So, lesson learned there.

I spent the week dipping downtown during the weekdays and trying to just figure out the experience of finding interesting shit to do and see. I was not disappointed, though I think in the future I may go with the "less is more" attitude when wandering aimlessly. I got to see Semi-Precious Weapons (twice!) with a handful of people, which went off well. But when it came to just poking around trying to find something to see, having a train of 4-7 people with me seemed to annoy everyone involved. Next year I think I'll just pack a bike on to my Jeep every day and bike down from work.

It was good, though, to just not give a fuck. I decided I was heading downtown and I was going to enjoy myself. I did not give a fuck if anyone else did. I was not running a raid, herding people, or otherwise making myself responsible for other people's good time. "I am going to see that," I would declare (either seconds or days in advance of going to see it) and if people followed, great. If not, great, they had their own shit to do. I had beers down at Ginger Man listening to Onward Soldiers and then I got a few rum+cokes at Rusty Spur listening to Outernational. And other bands. And I got a hat. A little newsboy thing that, coupled with my vests, makes me one bad accent and a walking stick away from a living, breathing stereotype.

I get the sense as the year goes on that I just am shedding layers and layers of self-imposed, needless restraint and concern. It's a good feeling.

Long Walks.

I took some time driving around Lee's Summit after visiting Dan, Jon and Dennis. I was pretty tired, but so much in the town had changed that I had to go looking at some of the places I used to haunt. Naturally, I passed near where my old collections job was and I had to go see. Did the place get leveled? Was it still there and open? I drove up and there was a corporate sign for another company there, but the building was just how I left.

I had forgotten certain parts of it, which I started recalling in vivid detail - things on the inside I remembered as I looked on the outside. I couldn't stay very long, I started to get a cross of anger and low level fear just being there. I just couldn't be there without thinking how much going through that job affected me even today. I feel like I was abused by it and forever changed, and I wanted to do something permanent and destructive.

So I left. I guess I may never settle things with that particular demon.

Arguing at Reflections

I am in Kansas City, and I am cold.


I'm here for a sort of "make up" visit, having missed going back to the Midwest and see my family over Christmas. The weekend after my birthday seemed like a good time, and the tickets by plane were cheaper than driving. I always forget that it's not really the cold of places with a real winter that gets to me, it's the constant cold. I can spend a couple hours out in zero windchill with minimal problems, but the uninterrupted cold toes I had when I lived around here were just godawful.  The cold just permeates everything and while you're not freezing, it's just relentless.

Right now I'm breaking a little bit from getting writing done to reflect about my birthday and whatnot. I turned 32 this year, and so much has happened in the past couple years with my life that I think I should probably get another tattoo. That's a leap of logic that makes sense to me, I think: tattoo = important milestone. I didn't do much in Austin for the birthday except a dinner at Treehouse with potentially too many people. You just can't speak with everyone at a 14 person dinner like you could if you had everyone over at your house lounging around. I got a bunch of various alcohols from my friends (and a model gun), and Kim sprang to help pay for the tickets to get me to KC. Not a bad haul overall. After bringing home the bottles and subsequently getting a few more on Thursday when people came over for the tabletop, I realized none of them were the shitty, nameless "please get me drunk quickly" sort of things I used to drink. And hey, the bottles themselves just look neat sitting on the shelf.

So I think, with that revelation, I realized I do actually see myself as an adult now. Not in all respects, but for a long time during my twenties, it was very hard for me to grasp how other people could possibly see me as one. I didn't feel very adult, and when people looked at me, I got the sense that they agreed with that. I don't think the past couple of years have really changed me a great deal, and the fact I dress a little nice isn't really the catalyst for this. I think it's just a slow, steady change - the kind you don't really notice until something makes you.

It's the sort of thing that makes me realize now is really the time I should be getting things I want in life done. I always felt previously not that I'm bad at things, but more like I wasn't somehow ready to do things like actually publish a novel or try to do a million other things. I just didn't feel like I was on the kind of "level" one should be to get these things done. It wasn't an age thing so much as the fact I know I'm intelligent and talented in a myriad of ways, I just always felt like there were so many people more intelligent, more prepared, and more practiced at things and I wasn't ready to contend with them. But the more I get through life, the more I realize that it's not true in a lot of situations. People are seen to have authority, experience, and merit because ... well, they throw their hat in the ring, and little else. I talk to people about politics and they have no real grasp on a lot of ideas but others see them as very learned on the subject. I used to reconcile that by thinking that I simply didn't have the whole story, but more and more I'm willing to believe that I do. And that story is sad. SO sad.

This is the year, I think. Not magically "my year" by some weird appointment, but just the year I'm ready to recognize that I did make it into adulthood, and now it's time to do something with that. Working with AEG again for the past year has really helped with this, I think. Getting back in the regular habit of writing and being relentlessly confronted with the fact that folks with much less talent, care, and maturity than myself get very, very far in all of this.

I dunno what tatt I'm gonna get, but it's on the list. The same list that says "Seth you have gone to the gym about seven times in the past couple of weeks, get the fuck back to it." The holidays and work load were fucked up enough to knock me off my routine, getting sick made it worse, and traveling isn't helping, but I definitely feel the difference. Time to get back to it, all of it, it seems.

52 Weeks In Review

2012 was not the worst year, but it's definitely a contender. I lost family pretty much right off, and it seemed like a lot of my friends were stricken with the same plague of misfortune and loss. Because my birthday is so close to the start of the year, I thought what while year 30 was about finally getting on my own feet as an adult, year 31 would be furthering that and taking on things that meant really shaping my own life. But because the years of our lives are not compact television series seasons, things from before still kept screwing with me, too.

Medical bills (which I still have to cope with) made a bad year worse. I've had to sink a few thousand dollars into the house and Jeep (each) to keep things going. There's more to come with that, as it'll be the new thing I drag into the new year. My back/shoulder/head thing I think is progressing in the medical sense, not the positive one. Things with Kim remain difficult. I didn't finish the book, yet again.

But, I met some new friends. I got back to freelance writing. I did start pushing my life the way I want it to go in some meaningful ways. I think year 32 is going to be more of that, and even if it isn't, I'm ready for the fight.

I don't have a lot else to say right now because I went to bed at 4 and woke up about 8, so my head's still a little fuzzy, but I wanted to put something down while I was thinking about it. Went to the Side Bar and did the "downtown New Year's" thing for the first time in Austin. Not too bad, give or take your typical "people drink too much on noes" stuff. Stories for the kids, I guess. Hopefully I'll put it all down so it doesn't evaporate forever.